What I would change about myself is...

My brother-in-law has started emailing us little questions to answer for a family history project he is working on. I felt like I should share my answer to his recent query...

What I would change about myself is....

Nothing and everything. I am very happy with who I am. Yet I know I have many strengths and weaknesses and I know I am far from perfect. But I still like myself and who I am. It would be nice if I could get on a fast track to change my weaknesses into strengths, but then what would life be for. So when certain weaknesses manifest themselves as the true beams that they are (instead of the little motes I usually notice them as), I work on changing myself, through the power of the Atonement, to turn those weaknesses into strengths.

Yes, I cry. Yes, I have bad days. Yes, sometimes I fight depression. Yes, I beat myself up because of how I treated someone or how I always slip back into bad habits. But I still know that I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. I know that I'm not supposed to be perfect. I know that those bad days just help me build my character as long as I try to be better the next. I am surrounded by people I love and adore dearly and I know that they love me for who I am.

So...with all the good days and the bad, I wouldn't change anything I've lived through and I wouldn't change anything about myself because I am proud to be who I am.

With that, I do have to say that my anger management issue has been a very difficult change. The past couple of weeks, I have had a calm with me that has been such a blessing as storms rage around me (I swear that my 4 year olds are just so stubborn!!). I started meditating a few months ago as a way to calm the chaos in my mind and help me calm my behavior. Just a few minutes every morning before I read my scriptures. I think it's helping. I didn't do either this morning...and blew up at the kids right before lunch because the house was a mess and they didn't care.

When I go about my day with Jesus, He really does make a difference. I am so weak without Him. 

I recently read The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox that has really helped me remember the source of power behind change. The BYU Alumni Magazine also has an amazing article about it, "His Grace is Sufficient."