Controlling my Outbursts

Two weeks ago, I decided that it was time to stop...stop giving in to my anger and frustration and yelling and start controlling it and diffusing it. I thought I wasn't that bad...just blowing my top like Old Faithful every once in a while after the pressure would build. But during that first week, I realized that I was way worse than I thought. It was a big slap in the face. So I've been working on this. I've taken a lot of tips from a lesson called "Overcoming Anger" in this manual.

Something went very right today. At about 2:30, I realized that Dylan was purposely not taking care of his jobs and clean-up responsibilities for today. I started to express my frustration by piling on the consequences (more chores), but at least I kept my voice level normal (even if my tone was too stern). He started crying because he just didn't want to do any of it.  At about 3pm, I gave him a consequence that, although I wanted to follow through with, I knew I ought not follow through with it. I told him that he would have to stay home while the rest of us went on a 2 hour outing to the local zoo. I was grappling for something to motivate him. He just kept crying and didn't budge. But I also didn't want to budge, because it feels like he ignores my requests more often than not (which really means that I need to figure out a better way to approach him). So I wanted him to learn these two lessons--work before play, pick up the first activity before going on to the next one. We never really learn these lessons at my house (hmmm...I wonder why...as I write this with a pile of dishes in the sink).

Obviously, I was not handling this situation well. At all. I was stuck. I had given him a consequence I really, by law, shouldn't enforce. Yet I didn't want to budge because of the hope that this could help him learn the importance of fulfilling responsibilities we don't want to do but still need to do. As he took a potty break, my mind opened up to a possibility--and I believe it's because I didn't blow my top. I thought that he needed someone(s) to step in for mercy on his part and the justice needed on my part. I asked Colden and Evelynn if they wanted Dylan to join us at the zoo. They both said yes. Then I asked them if they would be willing to help him with his jobs so the jobs would get done. I also said that they would really be like Jesus if they did that. 

I stood back amazed. Colden immediately began to unload the dishwasher. I asked Evelynn if she wanted to do the dishes and she went right to work rinsing the dishes. Both of them did this with love and without a complaint. Seriously amazing. Then I knocked on the bathroom door and told Dylan what his siblings decided to do, to help him qualify to go to the zoo. I asked him that since his siblings were doing 2 of his chores, would he do the oh-so-hard job of vacuuming. He agreed to and he did it.

A feeling of love entered our home and stayed with us. On the way to the zoo, Colden had the wonderful idea of giving cut-out hearts to each other when we clean up someone else's mess. It was a clean-up strategy based on love! I can't wait to try it! We've tried rewards, attaching privileges to cleaning up, consequences, money...none of it has lasted very long. I'm hoping that the motivation of love and appreciation will outlast all the other clean-up strategies.